I have not worked on this for sometime. Life has been busy, and it’s easy to push aside when other things demand my attention. I think perhaps I avoid it to protect myself from the emotions related to our situation. While many things have changed/improved, there are still unresolved issues, both physical and emotional for the entire family. When living in “today” I am able to set aside feelings and deal with situations.
Today, I reread some previous posts and they brought me to tears immediately. Remembering holidays when Sean was gone, or traveling to see him, or wishing he was here. . . my heart hurts. I had to stop. Even as I type this, I am reminding myself that he is here right now in the basement. I am not alone.
And yet, he is not here. Not in the same sense as he was before deployment. He is different, as are all of us. As I’m sure happens in everyone’s lives, changes come and go and leave each person a little different. Or very different. But not the same.
How do we cope? I’ll get to that as I try to bring this story around to present day. That is my goal: someday this will be a day-by-day versus a case history. We cope . . . whether by the day, week, or minute, we cope. When asked, “How do you deal with ____?” I answer, “We just keep going, and we get through.”
And maybe someday, I’ll be able to look back on this fondly, with reflections of strength and perseverance instead of sadness.